After the second Parents' Evening, by the Parent

I am beginning to feel like a fraud and am honestly struggling for things to write at the moment, but keen to update the blog at useful intervals to give our perspective.  Last week there was a Parents' Evening and I  could not have been more pleased by what was being said.  I am going to relish it, as not sure this will happen again! It was very positive as regards his literacy and numeracy and even that he is trying at points to interact with others at playtime.  This is so much better than I had hoped as I think, as a parent of a pupil with extra needs, you do often try to protect yourself by preparing for the worst. 

For example, several weeks ago my mobile phone went and it was my son’s Support for Learning Teacher.  I could feel my stomach turn in anxiety, sure it was some bad news about his behaviour.  But no!  The phone call was to ask if it was okay for Robert to do some extra work with a Learning Assistant who is interested in numbers!  We discussed maybe looking at the language that surrounds numbers and I explained his current fascination for space.  I mean, really, could I ask for any more from this school?  Which is another reason why I feel like a fraud.  Am I honestly reflecting a typical mainstream experience for an autistic child?  Surely this is an example of best practice and we have been incredibly lucky to have our son in this school at this time with this sort of support?

As always I am cautious and realistic about the future, things will become noticeable but we will help our son with that when it comes.  At the moment, I cannot ask for more from the school and his experience seems incredibly positive at this time.  


Written by Robert's mum

Reflecting on the first term, by the Parent

Well, the first full term is over with and could probably not have asked for more in terms of progress for my son and support from the school, so I'm not sure if there is not a great deal to write!  But I am loquacious by nature, so tough!

Firstly, Robert managed the Nativity!  Even managing some of the songs and actions and avoiding joining in with the boy next to him who was very hyperactive and finding it all a bit too much!  However, seeing other perform so confidently around him does highlight the obvious differences that will always be there.  This is  my continual worry: at the moment in Primary 1, lack of interaction, not understanding  instructions and poor comprehension are accepted; by Primary 3, I worry that these differences will become much more obvious and he will be much further behind.  In the meantime, both at school and at home, we are trying to do everything to prepare my son for the “real world”. 

At school, I accepted the invitation to attend my son’s Additional Support Plan review meeting, which was held before the end of the term.  I would be interested to know how many parents usually come along, not because they do not care but not sure how much the school encourages it (or sees it as worthwhile).  I understand this: they maybe do not want to worry the parents unnecessarily, but I think we must have ultimate responsibility, no matter how hard the truth or difficult the task.  At the meeting I am once again impressed by the knowledge of my son and their willingness to discuss next steps, so I try to be as open and supportive as possible. 

At home, I am probably more harsh on my son than a parent would be with a boy of 6 who did not have his difficulties.  I keep things pretty strict (though with lots of cuddles) , very clear boundaries, in a bid to make him used to this for the outside world.  However, he is an incredibly affectionate young boy which is lovely for me and makes me hope he will endear himself to others as well.

Christmas holidays have been very nice, though possibly I was too lax in my Bin Weevil’s computer timings and we may have gone past the allowed half hour slot several times!  My son also got a DS and the family were given a Wii so we have been rather surrounded in the electronic.  Perhaps not the best for someone like him, so it is good that they are back to school tomorrow…


Written by Robert's mum

The first review meeting, by the Parent

Well, it could have been worse… it could have been a lot worse, but for several factors:

• I work as a teacher (albeit in Secondary) in a pastoral support role; so I know what they are talking about!
• Similarly, I am not intimidated by lots of professionals 
• I have a lot of faith in the school and trust them and am very happy to work with them 
• Academically my son seems to be coping (at the moment)
• My son’s behaviour has not been too bad (so far) 

There has, though, been a deterioration in his behaviour and we discussed possible reasons for this and a variety of strategies, I hope this is a phase but we will do what we can.  I am hopeful the firmer boundaries will make a difference. 

I will now get some communication with school via a home/school diary, which hopefully means we can support the school and actually find out he is doing (instead of “I don’t remember”).

We saw  his Additional Support Plan (though are not involved in drawing this up).

Overall, it was a friendly, relaxed and informative meeting with a lot of 2-way discussion and support.  However, I cannot help but think that the meetings are not always so open and good natured.  I suspect that  frustrated and defensive parents combined with  a large group of “experts” offering different jigsaw pieces of support does not always make for such a productive meeting.

What would I change?

• A clear outline to parents before about who exactly will be involved, what their role is and what they will (or could) be bringing to the table, as it were. 
• An outline of what will be discussed (not too prescriptive though, tangents can be useful) with perhaps some expectations of the parents or a place for them to write their concerns. 
• Possibly a reality check as well:  your child is one of 25 or 30 in a class; there is only so much support we can offer; we are human!  

Anyway, I continue to count my blessings in this respect and I feel I have perspective about what the school can do, what we can do and what difficulties are part of my son’s Autism and thus will never change!  Whether I continue to feel so positive as time goes on I can‘t honestly say.

I presume I will receive some minutes of the main points but have typed up some of my own notes just in case.

Away from school, my son will start attending the Beavers after the October holiday.  It is run by a teacher so he understands Autism and has had other boys who are autistic previously.  As I was discussing this, a boy’s father started speaking to me and explained he himself was “HF (high functioning), Aspergers”.  He was most open, relaxed and told me about his wife.  It was very reassuring in so many ways…

 Written by Robert's mum

The day before the first review meeting, by the Parent

Full days are go, but the first review beckons….

Tomorrow we have our first review for our son and I have absolutely no idea how it will go!  He gives me no indication of what he does in school and getting any information is like pulling teeth.  I am assured that this is normal behaviour for all children, as my husband says, "First rule of school is what happens in school stays in school."  However, I am not convinced that my son chooses not to tell us,  I think he cannot tell us.  I don’t believe his “I can’t remember” answer to everything.  So, that is something I need to discuss, a way to communicate with the school  about what he has been doing and how we can support him at home.  I think other schools can use a home/school diary to good effect; however, as a teacher, I know only too well the time constraints on everyone.

I am very anxious to find out about how his behaviour has been and certainly feel his concentration will be terrible.  On the plus note, we have not been called in to discuss his behaviour so far (surely a positive sign) and I know he is coping with the reading.

When I turned arch-interrogator again today, he told me that it might be maths he is struggling with, which I am baffled by.  And what is “check-in/checking or chicken!”?

As for the full days: well, he seems to be coping okay.  He was excited at first, but has now worked out this means less computer time at home, so I think would prefer to go back to the half-day thing!  What does he do at lunchtime? Well, eat of course, I am supposed to call it Lunch/Playtime!  I know what he does then too.  There is a large “spinny thing” in their playground and I am pretty sure he spends all of his playtimes making it go round.  I have tried to broach this with Robert about speaking to others and asking what they are doing.  He told me proudly one day he had spoken to someone, I was overcome with excitement: “What did you say?” I asked excitedly. "I said, 'It’s my turn'," he answered. I think this is actually my problem and not his, as he is perfectly happy!

Another plus note: he has been invited to 2 parties.  I think the whole class were but I am grateful.  We have been to the first one - I stayed of course.  He interacted very rarely, but the others seemed to accept him.

It is still very early days and I think the kids may get more wary of him.  At this early stage all are friendly and encouraging, but time will tell and who knows what we will hear at the review tomorrow.


Written by Robert's mum

The first day of school, by the Parent

I am feeling fine until I see that there has clearly been some sort of a secret uniform meeting where all the other parents have agreed to dress their  kids in shirt, tie, blazer and long shorts.  Not the polo shirt and sweatshirt my son is proudly donning!  Have I gone back to the 50s?   This is my main worry as I take my 5 and half year old autistic son to school on the first day.  Luckily I am fairly sure he won’t notice or mind at all that he may look completely different from the others.  One of the benefits of Autism….

I am also feeling fine for a number of other reasons which I shall list in no particular order:

• We kept him back a year and in this time his speech has really come on so he can actually begin to communicate with others in more than one word 
• He has been interested in words recently and thus is getting there on the reading front already (a particular favourite is silent letters which could cause his teacher problems when she gets to words that start with the letter p!) 
• I am not thinking that numbers are going to be a huge problem either… 
• At the moment he is fairly good when it comes to toileting and getting himself dressed 
• The school know him well through nursery and have taken him to meet his teacher, visit his classroom and playground and even made up a book about this with photos 
• I have met with those who are going to be working with my son to give them an idea of his interests and what motivates him 
• I know my son’s teacher as she is on the PTA (and she seems lovely) 
• My son will have the same learning assistant he had at nursery who knows him well (though he has only been assigned 5 hours) 
• My daughter has been through the whole primary 1 thing already so I feel I know what to expect 
• I trust the school and the people who are working with my son as we have met already 
• I work in education myself and know that teachers know a lot more about autism now than they did when I started 16 years ago! 
• In the High School I work in I have seen several autistic children come and go successfully in the mainstream setting, with support. 
• I feel confident when speaking to other professionals about my son and am happy to accept advice. 
• I have several Plan Bs if mainstream school does not work out….. 

In many ways, due to the Autism we have got the precious extra year at nursery I always wanted and met with those professionals who will be working with my son to make them aware of his needs.  

BUT….

I do think now is where the differences will begin to be magnified.  It is okay not to talk much sense and have strange interests when you are 3 or 4, but not sure how this will go down as gets older!  (Mind you, looking at that description I think of my husband who appears to manage!)

I doubt he will socialise much, if at all….WHAT ON EARTH WILL HE DO AT LUNCHTIME WHEN HE STARTS TO HAVE A FULL DAY!? I am not sure what things at school might set him off…. will he concentrate and listen at all without someone telling him exactly what to do?

There are bound to be things I haven’t even thought of yet! 

Written by Robert's mum